She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
