i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
