We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
