Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
