I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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