I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
