Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
