I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
