you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
