You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize