There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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