Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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