i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
