from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
