Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
