just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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