thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
