dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
