Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
