Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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