um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
