That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
