shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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