I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
