Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
