Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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