Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
