yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
