In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
