I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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