I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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