dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize