Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
