She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
