I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
