So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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