Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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