Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
