I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
