i jhust puked up my retainher.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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