If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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