Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
