my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we should paint friendship bongs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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