why didn't you poke me back
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
