How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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