i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
