She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
