She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
