So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
