Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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