plz talk dirty to me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
