I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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