someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
