Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
