Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
