It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize