my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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