Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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