in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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