When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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