I'm gonna have a badass scar
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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