this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
