Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We got so high we made milksteak
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
