dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
