Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
