If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize