Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
