So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
