Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
