I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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