i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
