On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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