remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize