Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
