Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
