there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
