you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
